Open for Connection
Did you know that being connected – actual real, deep relationships with other people – is one of the keys to both being healthy and enjoying life? It’s true, and unfortunately, true connection is sorely lacking in our modern, busy society – especially for high-performers like yourself!
Now, I hope that you have a robust and well rounded social life, full of deep and meaningful connections on different levels. But, if you’re one of the many who feels like there’s just something missing in this area, then read on; this blog is for you.
Being Honest with Yourself
The first key to experiencing deep and satisfying connection, especially in a high-performance lifestyle (which can be intimidating to some), is to be connected to yourself. To understand your motivations, expectations, and desires. When you’re honest with yourself and take the time to understand why you do what you do, it’s easier to connect to others in an approachable way.
Here’s a few things you can do to understand yourself better and develop a habit of honesty:
- Start writing down your thoughts – what you think becomes your reality… but sometimes we don’t catch our thoughts until we write them down. If you’re struggling with negativity or self-worth, it makes connection more difficult. Set aside a time to start writing down the thoughts you’ve had during the day and see if themes are repeated. It may not be pretty, but being aware is the first step to improvement!
- Take a personality assessment, or a few! If you’re trying to operate outside of your true strengths, things can feel “off” without you ever understanding why. Consider taking a reputable assessment and then discussing it with a trusted friend (or counselor, or coach!) to gain a better understanding of how to live in alignment with yourself.
Consider this one for Myers-Briggs or this one for Enneagram or this one for DISC. - Make time each day to move intentionally and connect with your body. Maybe this looks like yoga, maybe it’s walking/running, maybe it’s weight lifting or kettlebells, or whatever you enjoy! But take that time to tune into your body and your emotions as you move! Intentional movement is more than just cathartic – it can also clue you in to suppressed emotions if you’re listening.
- Find your love language. If you feel like you’re not receiving love – from your partner, kids, friends, relatives… – it could just be that you speak different languages. Take the assessment and communicate it when the time is right. You might be surprised by your results!
Being Open with Others
In Bronnie Ware’s memoir ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” one of the top 5 was “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” With busy lifestyles, and being so caught up in our own lives (yes, we are a self-centered society these days!) connections with family and friends tend to slip to the wayside over the years. But, as Bronnie points out in her memoir, when the end is near, many people have deep regrets that set in about not having put in more time and effort toward the things and people that matter most in their lives because “it all comes down to love and relationships in the end.”
Sometimes, though, it may be more than just time and distance. Sometimes, that sense of disconnection may come from misunderstandings due to culture, family of origin, or yup, even personalities!
So here are a few ways to foster open connection with your friends and loved ones:
- Encourage the important people in your life to take the Love Language Assessment and at least one personality test. Some may feel like you’re trying to put them in a box, but just let them know that you’re trying to learn how to love them better.
- Be honest in your conversations – but temper your honesty with consideration and love. You don’t have to say everything you think or feel, but you also shouldn’t lie about it.
- Make sure that your partner, kids, and friends know that they can talk to you, but consider asking questions first, like “Do you want a solution, or just a listening ear?” or “Is there something you’d like me to do with this information, or are you just processing?” This helps to avoid missed expectations.
- Consider setting a monthly reminder to text or email that best friend that you forget to connect with and only talk to every six months! Having a regular, friendly check-in is a great way to stay connected.
- Make sure that you’re having fun together – whatever that looks like in whatever relationship it is! Find something you both enjoy – whether that’s chatting over coffee, shopping, archery, a mud run, or something else entirely – and then make time for it! As a high-performer, it can be tempting to be serious all the time, but it’s good to make time for fun.
Trust Good Intentions
One of the last things that I want to mention about building meaningful connections is that all good relationships are built on trust. Now, this can be really difficult, especially if you’ve experienced bias, abuse, cheating, or other trauma. But here’s the deal: If you’re going to engage in a deep and meaningful relationship, you can’t be constantly waiting to be let down, hurt, or disappointed. Trust that your partner, friends, and family have good intentions for you (unless proven otherwise. Be smart). Counting on the disappointment will sabotage every single thing that you’re trying to achieve in your life and rob you of joy in the moment. If you’re in safe relationships, but you’re struggling with this, I strongly encourage you to find a coach or a counselor who is qualified to lead you through processing and reframing this.
Empowering Support
Alright, here’s my last two thoughts on building connection:
As Jim Rohn famously said, we are the average of the 5 people that we spend the most time with. Statistically, you won’t be the most or least mature in your friends group. You won’t be the most or least skilled, competitive, or capable. You’ll be… uniquely you. Embrace that. But also, here’s your permission to be picky. Is hanging out with that friend who just wants to gossip and drink really healthy, for either of you? Is seeking mentorship from that exec who has the career in the bag, but never sees her family actually what you want out of life? Is following that influencer on IG really constructive when you know that half the things he/she shows are faked? Be careful about who you allow to influence you!
Now, just like everything else we learn in life, skills are built, not born and connection with self and others is a skill that we must build, give attention to, and purposefully practice and nourish. As Andy Ramage challenges in his book, Let’s Do This!: “Everything in life can be upgraded, including our connections to the people you care about. It is up to you to leverage your motivational superpower to make the first move.” And I’m here to help you do that. If you want to upgrade your connections, that’s my passion. As you pursue lifestyle freedom, you should feel connected, empowered, and supported. In my signature coaching program, I can help you build habits that will foster the deep, true connections that will support you in all of your dreams. Schedule a free strategy session here.